OPINION PIECE
Let me save you some time, ladies.
Before you text him back, before you split the bill, before you end up in his bed asking yourself how you got there… pause and ask one simple question:
What can this man actually do for me?
If the answer is “vibes,” “he’s nice,”, “we had a good conversation about podcasts,” or “if I have sex with him now, he is more like to want to date me later” then I regret to inform you:
That is not a return on investment.
Stop Acting Like Sex Is Free (It’s Not)
Somewhere along the way, women got sold the idea that being “chill” means giving men access to your body with zero expectations. No pressure. No standards. No exchange. Just pure, liberated, consequence-free fun. Except… it’s not consequence-free. Not even close.
Let’s run the numbers and look at the facts:
Globally, women bear 100% of pregnancy risk and in many countries, still carry the overwhelming burden of its consequences (health, career disruption, financial strain)
According to the World Health Organization, women are biologically more susceptible to contracting certain STIs, and infections like chlamydia are more likely to be asymptomatic in women, meaning they go untreated and can lead to infertility
The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention notes that untreated STIs can cause pelvic inflammatory disease (PID), which disproportionately affects women and can result in chronic pain or inability to have children
Then, there’s safety: studies across multiple countries show women face a significantly higher risk of sexual violence, including in situations that began consensually.
Aside of all the above: women are emotional creatures. The likelihood of you getting attached to this person is high.
So, when someone tells you sex is “casual,” what they often mean is: It’s casual for him.
Meanwhile, Men Are Paying. Constantly.
Here’s where it gets funny.
Because while women are being told to give it away for free in the name of empowerment…
Men are out here with their credit cards out. How do we know? Well, the global porn industry generates tens of billions annually and platforms like OnlyFans exploded into multi-billion-dollar businesses almost overnight. Speaking of Only Fans, here’s a fun fact for all you ladies: there are 4 million female content creators on only fans. That seems like a lot, huh? But, there are 240 million men who consume that content: that’s a lot of spending power. What does that teach us? That there are entire economies out there, existing around men paying for access to women’s bodies, attention, and intimacy.
So, let’s get this straight. Men will: pay for it online, pay for it privately and pay for it anonymously. And you’re out here paying for your own coffee on a first date, and splitting your dinner bill 50/50.
Jokes on you.
Image below: ©Shutterstock
“It’s Not About Money” (But Also… Sometimes It Is)
Let’s address the thing everyone gets uncomfortable about.
Yes, this can be about money. Financial stability, generosity, the ability to provide: these are not evil traits. They are functional traits in adult life. But value isn’t just financial.
“What can he do for me?” can also mean: Does he make my life easier, or more chaotic? Does he support me emotionally, or drain me? Does he bring peace, or problems? Because if he’s not contributing financially, emotionally, or practically…Then what exactly is he contributing?
I have been married for 12 years. While people always expect of me to be married to some short, bald, fatty with a heavy wallet – I must disappoint them. I married a man who brings me peace. Our home is a bastion of stability that shelters us against the outside world. My husband has supported me in all my endeavors, in my career and in my entrepreneurial undertakings. He is also an integral part of my business (I misuse him as a free video editor on a weekly basis) and he is also the person that came up with the name to this very platform. Hence, his contribution to my life is far more valuable than a financial one (although, he does also pay our mortgage…)
Sex Is a Commodity. Sorry.
I know, I know. People hate this word.
“Sex is not a commodity, it’s sacred!”
Sure. It can be. But prostitution is also the oldest trade in the world.
Sex can also be: desired, negotiated, withheld and exchanged which, inconveniently, are all characteristics of something with value.
And here’s the key point: It has unequal value.
Generally speaking, men pursue sex more aggressively and consistently than women. That’s not an insult, it’s observable behavior across cultures, dating apps, and, frankly, history.
So: if one party wants something more…That thing has leverage.
And yet women are being told to hand over that leverage immediately, for nothing, just to be ghosted the following morning.
Let’s Talk About the Stigma (Because It’s Hypocritical)
Society loves consuming sexual content. It just hates the women who profit from it. Women in the sex industry are judged as immoral, desperate, or damaged.
Notorious content creator Bonnie Blue enters the chat: the queen of rage bait and probably one of the most hated women on the planet. One brief glimpse into the comment section of any content that features the protagonist of a short movie called “1000 Men and Me”, and you will find a wild fire of death threats and unspeakable insults.
All from other women.
Whatever happened to “my body my choice”, ladies? I will also go as far as to state a wildly unpopular opinion: the women in Bonnie’s comment section are mad. And they’re mad at Bonnie because Bonnie has very successfully commercially exploited an act that most women are committing for free. So much so, that she claims to be earning upwards of 2,1 million USD monthly.
And y’all are doing it for a bunch of empty promises.
I’d be mad too.
It’s time to be brutally honest about the situation: Men will pay for access in one way or another.
Now, does that mean sex work is simple, safe, universally empowering or better for society as a whole? While I believe that the answer to this question is yes, research on this is mixed and complicated: some studies show, that the legalization of prostitution can improve safety and health outcomes (decline in stranger on stranger rape, femicide and domestic violence), while others highlight ongoing risks like exploitation and violence depending on conditions and regulation. But what is undeniable is this: There is massive demand.
Moreover, women doing sex work are some of the most vulnerable members of our society. As such, they deserve to be protected, not shamed. Pretending that demand doesn’t exist, or shaming the women who meet it, doesn’t solve anything. In fact, when we as women, shame other women for this, we are putting ourselves back hundreds of years when it comes to our fight against the patriarchy. And in turn, the patriarchy grows stronger and keeps the hypocrisy between us intact while continuing to help itself to our bodies: paid and unpaid.
The Real Problem: Women Are Undervaluing Themselves
This is the uncomfortable truth. It’s not just that men take what they can get (and sometimes, take what they shouldn’t but that’s another sad story). It’s that women are being socially trained to offer it cheaply. To be agreeable. To be easygoing. To not “expect too much.” To not demand anything, graciously split the bill and put up with mediocre, bare-minimum lovers in the bedroom.
We have been tricked into accepting crumbs and calling it chemistry. By the same culture, that will turn around and judge you for it later.
You can’t win that game. So stop playing it. Remember, pussy is power.
A New Dating Standard
Here’s a radical idea:
Before you sleep with a man, ask yourself the following questions: Does he invest in me: time, effort, resources? Does he make my life better in any measurable way? Does he bring stability, joy, or support?
Because if the answer is nothing, then congratulations: You are about to provide a service for free that many men are actively paying for.
Final Thought
I understand that my opinion is highly controversial and that it may seem cold or transactional.
I see this as an opinion piece with a call for women to become more intentional.
So no, I don’t sleep with men who don’t do anything for me. Not because I’m difficult. Not because I’m calculating.
But because I recognize that my body, my time, and my energy have value. And so should you.